A Runner?

I run, but I never refer to myself as a "runner". I wonder why that is?

I've convinced myself that in order to be classified as a "runner" I have to love it. I have to want to push myself faster and faster and want to race, have a PB that I'm always striving to beat.

I've convinced myself that I have to run with a pack, in a group on Sunday mornings wearing matching jackets.

I've convinced myself that I have to be good to "go the distance" with positive imagery and mantras (neither of which I'm very good at).

I've convinced myself that I have to love running and get excited to get up and get at 'er! But the truth is, I don't do any of those things. And i certainly don't love to run...I'm not even sure that I like it.

Sure, there are things that I love about running. I love the feeling of personal accomplishment when I've ended a run thinking "I could turn around and do that all over again right now!" or when I've gone the furthest distance ever before. I love that it helps me maintain a healthy body weight. I love that it gives me a personal goal to strive towards and work towards knowing that I'm accomplishing something that is so far outside of my comfort zone.

But I don't love that it takes me away from lazy Saturday mornings with my family. That no matter the weather - I have to get out there and train (especially this time of year!). I don't love the feeling of pounding the pavement and pushing myself harder and harder sometimes feeling like my legs are just going to give in on me or I want to pull over on the side of the road and hurl (although that doesn't really happen that often). I don't love the feel of not being the fastest runner out there - or even close. I may classify myself as the slowest!!

I don't love the feeling of the pressure that I put on myself - and the lack of credit I give myself! And that's probably the biggest reason that I'm not in love with running. And why I don't classify myself as a "runner" - maybe I feel like the title is bigger then me?

Isn't that ridiculas? I've been running casually for a few years now - and a few months ago I set a goal, and signed up for a half marathon. One of my new years "Goals" for 2012 was to run a 10km, I really felt like that would be pushing myself. But then I decided to really go the distance. Up until the day that I registered for that I had never run more then 5 km - a half marathon is 21 km!! What was I thinking?

I was thinking - here's a challenge. I'm not athletically inclined, I'm not good at running, so here's something I can push myself with. Something that will be really difficult for me to complete, but give me an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. So this summer and fall I set out on race distances longer then the usual 5km for me. I did a 10km and a 7km admidst my training and long runs towards the final 21km (in February). I am not fast - but I accomplish every distance goal that I set out for myself, and can usually manage to end the run with a smile on my face feeling relatively good.    

So I'm skipping a "Christmas post" for now - and I will get there. I'm jumping ahead straight to a "New Years Goal" post as I look ahead to 2013 closing and 2012 starting up in the very near future. I wanted to cheat and say my new years "Goal" (I don't set resolutions) this year would be to finish a half marathon. But wouldn't that be cheating? Because it's kind of spillover from last year. So this year - I've decided my new years goal is to give myself the credit I deserve. 

Be proud of my personal accomplishments (in distance, not time) - and cut myself a little slack.

And maybe, just maybe...I'll give myself the title of a "runner".