The courage to GROW!

"Maybe once we move to Halifax and are closer to family...maybe then I'll want another baby."
"Maybe once I decide the direction I really want my career to go in we can start trying for another``
"Maybe once I finish my 1/2 marathon we'll start thinking about growing our family."

There was always something standing in the way with deciding whether or not we wanted to grow from being parents of an only child to parents of the unthinkable...two children! I was never certain. I loved being a mommy of one.
I loved the independence Gabe was starting to gain.
I loved the freedom in our schedule we were starting to get back.
I loved the financial stability of a 2 household income with only one child in daycare...part time at that.

And then came some major life changes that put a lot into perspective for me.

There were deaths on both sides of our family.

The death on Jasons side of the family gave me the chance to spend more time with his family in Ontario. Specifically some of his cousins that were siblings. Seeing them interact and lean on each other in a way that only siblings can reminded me of the beauty of sibling relationships. Something that can`t be found anywhere else.

Then came a very challenging death on my side of the family. One that broke my heart. But when I think about it - almost every time I reflect back to receiving news of my ailing loved on or some new twist or turn I remember my brother. I remember being home alone in my sorrow when my brother (and his lovely wife) showed up at my door and embraced me in a hug and let me cry into his shoulder. Being surrounded by the warmth of love that a full family built around siblings of my Aunt made me see the the support and love that comes from siblings, and family.

I also have developed a few meaningful friendships since moving to Halifax. And I can think of 2 in particular that both of a toddler Gabes age and a younger baby in tow. They both handle their motherhood in stride (although I`m sure they don`t always feel that way :) ) and the love that they are able to spread to both of their children is remarkable. They are both so joy fulled basking in the love of their children. They speak volumes of what it means to watch the relationship form and develop between their two children. Yes, they have been honest in telling me the trials they have had in growing their family, but I have seen in them and their families time and time again how the joy has far outweighed the trials. They have given me the courage that I need to say that I can do this!

So we moved. And I still hadn`t made up my mind.
I made a change in my career, but I still feel somewhat unsettled and not sure of what the future holds.
I ran my half marathon. And was still undecided.

But I had run out reasons to put growing our family on hold. I had too many reasons to give it a try. So we decided to step out...and see what happens. Besides, it took a year the first time with Gabe. So we had at least a year to get comfortable with the idea....that`s what we said the end of February. It is now middle of May and I am finishing my first trimester of pregnancy. Definitely didn`t take a year.

I am growing (a little more then I wish already!). Our family is growing. I`m far more nervous and overwhelmed then I was when I was expecting with Gabe. But I know, because of everything I`ve seen and heard and felt over this past year, I know that it`s the right choice for our family. And it`s the right time for our family. And I`m so happy.

Little newborn Gabe...he`s not going to be the baby for much longer!