the wonders of His love

This Christmas hasn't been particularly festive for our family. It's been almost...disappointing, which feels almost terrible to even write.

I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas and I generally get pretty caught up in the spirit of it all. But this year has been different. Our life has been hectic as we both launched into new jobs, moved right before Christmas and have had some pretty serious family health issues weighing heavily on the hearts and minds of our whole family.

As a result, the things that I usually love to do at Christmas just didn't happen.

Christmas baking that I love getting caught up in the kitchen to complete? Didn't happen.

Long neighborhood walks (and drives) to look at sparkling Christmas lights? Didn't happen.

Cutting down our own Christmas tree?
Didn't happen.

Watching our favorite once a year Christmas movies?
Didn't happen.

Didn't happen.
Didn't happen.
Didn't happen.

I've felt a sense of disappointment about everything Christmas for the past week or so. And then Christmas snuck up on me. And maybe that's the way that it's supposed to be? The first Christmas never came with baking, wrapping presents, picking out the perfect tree. In fact, there were very few that would have been "prepared" for Jesus' birth as it snuck up on the world. Yes, there was anticipation, hope and yearning for Christ to come...but it really did sneak up on them.

Maybe that's the quiet reminder that I needed this year. Maybe it's helped me to stop and reflect on the wonders of His love in the truest sense of the form. Not just in the form of the first Christmas, but the wonders of His love that are gifts in my every day life.

My health.
My wonderful family.
My loving husband.
My beautiful baby boy. 

Enjoy the peace of Christmas. The joy of Christmas. And may you know, for yourself, the wonders of His love.

From our family to yours - Merry Christmas!

(thank you to Laura at Mommy Miracles for the reminder of the wonders of His love from your beautiful family Christmas card! :) )

A Runner?

I run, but I never refer to myself as a "runner". I wonder why that is?

I've convinced myself that in order to be classified as a "runner" I have to love it. I have to want to push myself faster and faster and want to race, have a PB that I'm always striving to beat.

I've convinced myself that I have to run with a pack, in a group on Sunday mornings wearing matching jackets.

I've convinced myself that I have to be good to "go the distance" with positive imagery and mantras (neither of which I'm very good at).

I've convinced myself that I have to love running and get excited to get up and get at 'er! But the truth is, I don't do any of those things. And i certainly don't love to run...I'm not even sure that I like it.

Sure, there are things that I love about running. I love the feeling of personal accomplishment when I've ended a run thinking "I could turn around and do that all over again right now!" or when I've gone the furthest distance ever before. I love that it helps me maintain a healthy body weight. I love that it gives me a personal goal to strive towards and work towards knowing that I'm accomplishing something that is so far outside of my comfort zone.

But I don't love that it takes me away from lazy Saturday mornings with my family. That no matter the weather - I have to get out there and train (especially this time of year!). I don't love the feeling of pounding the pavement and pushing myself harder and harder sometimes feeling like my legs are just going to give in on me or I want to pull over on the side of the road and hurl (although that doesn't really happen that often). I don't love the feel of not being the fastest runner out there - or even close. I may classify myself as the slowest!!

I don't love the feeling of the pressure that I put on myself - and the lack of credit I give myself! And that's probably the biggest reason that I'm not in love with running. And why I don't classify myself as a "runner" - maybe I feel like the title is bigger then me?

Isn't that ridiculas? I've been running casually for a few years now - and a few months ago I set a goal, and signed up for a half marathon. One of my new years "Goals" for 2012 was to run a 10km, I really felt like that would be pushing myself. But then I decided to really go the distance. Up until the day that I registered for that I had never run more then 5 km - a half marathon is 21 km!! What was I thinking?

I was thinking - here's a challenge. I'm not athletically inclined, I'm not good at running, so here's something I can push myself with. Something that will be really difficult for me to complete, but give me an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. So this summer and fall I set out on race distances longer then the usual 5km for me. I did a 10km and a 7km admidst my training and long runs towards the final 21km (in February). I am not fast - but I accomplish every distance goal that I set out for myself, and can usually manage to end the run with a smile on my face feeling relatively good.    

So I'm skipping a "Christmas post" for now - and I will get there. I'm jumping ahead straight to a "New Years Goal" post as I look ahead to 2013 closing and 2012 starting up in the very near future. I wanted to cheat and say my new years "Goal" (I don't set resolutions) this year would be to finish a half marathon. But wouldn't that be cheating? Because it's kind of spillover from last year. So this year - I've decided my new years goal is to give myself the credit I deserve. 

Be proud of my personal accomplishments (in distance, not time) - and cut myself a little slack.

And maybe, just maybe...I'll give myself the title of a "runner".